Sunday, November 20, 2011

Why this Kolaveri Di?

As I type this into Google I realise its either me who has a big one (an ego), or the one on my mind right now, who has a bigger one. SO being an ardent believer of the philosophy that Google is the answer to everything in Universe, I’ve decided to turn to it for a solution to this confusion. Yes, I could act jobless at times. Anyway, so Google says Ego is “an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others” and/or “your consciousness of your own identity”. For reasons known only to me, I don’t think they are the same thing. A fine line of difference. While I’d like to believe the second meaning is the correct one, it serves me just as well to believe the first one in the context of my present problem. So end conclusion: I am not the one with the bloated ego. :P
Yes, I am biased like that, but what the hell it makes life easier for me to believe in it :P
I wish people would be a little less juvenile! Why this kolaveri di? :P

In other news, Strawberry Fields is around the corner. =D
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee! And the good times have already begun (minus the unfinished project). Every year SF gives me yet more reasons to fall in love with it, in a new way. Long live SF and ten people Zen rides, and drunken publicity and fooling cops and grilled chicken on acad terrace at three in the night =)
As for SF, checkout =)

Oh and I have a few new resolutions. I’m sticking to them. I’m serious. Yes I AM!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Everything's made to be broken

It's funny how we live life.
Spend decades in a city, make friends, make promises, write letters, gift earrings, cry over coffee.
Then leave all that behind for another city.
Another life.
Another set of friends, a new set of promises, type in texts, gift more earrings and gloss over tears.
Then you leave all that and go back expecting people to be the same.
The kind who made friends with you, made promises, wrote letters, gifted earrings, hugged when you cried.
But they change.
And you are left rummaging through old letters, locating pairs of earrings and lying awake in caffeine induced insomnia.

And well you can’t blame life can you? You can’t blame others for moving on can you?
There’s someone saying the very same things about you.
So take those memories and lock them up in little boxes coz they aren’t coming back. 
The days are gone. Maybe a glimpse here and a glimpse there, but they’re not here to stay back.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

First Friend=Last Friend

So there are these people who you take for granted…but they’re always around.
Through the good and the bad. Through the ups and downs and you can never find the correct words to thank them.
Yes, I am high and sentimental.
But it’s all worth it on the birthday of the one friend you don’t want to lose.
Happy Birthday My First Friend=My Last Friend.
Niyati Gandhi.

Check her out at Niyaaaaa <3

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Side effects of sipping on sunshine

The water is nice and warm. The sunlight filters in and hits my face. It’s a nice, bright day, not the gloomy, cloudy sky that Bangalore greets you with on many mornings.

I feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time. Yes, there are too many questions but this time I’ve had the courage to have asked all of them. And have been answered back satisfactorily.

I smile to myself thinking how filmy life can be.
Sometimes it seems like we’re stuck in a terrible dramatic movie that doesn't seem to have a happy ending and no humor but all the morbid twists and turns and mean and snobbish people; and you’re kept waiting for the one BIG THING that is going to change you and your life forever, accompanied by sunny mornings and happy songs.  And then you’re thrown into a whirlpool of cheesy scenes which involve family issues, love problems, troubles with friends, crying in the corner of your bed for hours, a whole lot of shit involving complex social dynamics! You sit on the terrace on a cold, windy night and contemplate on the matters of love, life and the universe. And you start believing that happy endings are a myth. Then you realize happiness was always by your side. And those evil people that makes your life a bit more like a movie? They are still working on their plans to make your life like hell. And those troubles don't leave you. EVER. Afterall KARMA IS A BITCH ( ). But you learn to get things your way. And life is perfect once again. It’s reached its happy ending till the next movie begins.

The feeling of the warm water running through my hair feels awesome and totally kills the goosebumps from the chilly morning air. And my fingers aren’t white and wrinkly from standing under the water for too long. They feel tingly and warm. And red from the rush of blood.

Long, warm showers are AWESOME. So happy and content they make you feel. And I LOVE my new strawberry body wash. It reminds me of strawberry ice-cream-my answer to every kind of sad thing in life =)

So when does the next movie start? Till when will this happy phase last?
I don’t care. And I don’t want to know.

I come out of the shower  knowing only one thing for sure. My new shampoo is PERFECT-JUST the one I needed. =D

Saturday, July 9, 2011

My Happy Little Place

First week of trimester.
Lazy afternoons.
Little work pressure.
Jello Shots.
Quad Parties.
Super Pass weekends.
Awesome weather.
A ChickLit.
Old RomComs.
Skype FINALLY working on laptop.

Yes, life can be perfect sometimes =)
And it falls into place in the most unexpected of ways.
I’m so high with happiness it’s unimaginable.
Yes, I’m rarely this happy, but that’s all the more reason to let you guys know.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Bitter Pills

If there’s something that law school teaches you, that’s to deal with disappointments. A process of letting go and moving on.
You realize that people will walk in and out of your life but you need to walk away from that disappointment.
You won’t get what you deserve, but you need to accept what you get and remember that a lot of time you manage to get things you don’t deserve.
A lot of your dreams may end up not getting fulfilled but you always have to start dreaming the next one.
And tell you what? I just figured an easy process to get over your disappointments!
 Give your hand at being a nerd. Trust me it does wonders! It makes you feel like a stud to finally submit all your projects on time, does wonders for your self-confidence and keeps you busy and away from thinking too much about whatever that’s driving you nuts.
Food. It’s the instant relief for every cause of worry. Theres NO denying that a lamb risotto or a cheese margherita is the biggest comfort food man ever made!
SHUT the fuck up! Talking doesn’t help. People who should know will know by themselves, without you having to go over things again.
Humour. Ridicule your way through your failures. It’s always good to laugh it off.
Make a list of things you want to do by the end of the year. Trust me it makes you feel better J
Television/TV series. Make sure you catch the latest episodes of Gossip Girl or Glee or How I Met Your Mother  or Chuck or Roadies whatever it  is that you watch. It’s AWESOME. Period.
Reconnect with old friends. Sometimes you need to get away from the people and the place. And most of the times we are too busy being busybee to remember those old faces and places. But trust me there’s nothing like reconnecting with a friend you left behind and laugh over the times when you were stupid and silly.
HOME. There’s no place like home. There’s no one you’d rather talk to than your Mom.

And well there’s nothing in life that’s more important than YOU, so I’m sure it isn’t too difficult to get your act together-for your own sake. Someone once told me that there’s no one or nothing that is irreplaceable in one’s life. I’d disagreed then. I stand corrected.

P.S.- I know I haven’t written for 2.5 months but that’s coz I was putting most of the above things into action and ALSO because there was Univ Week! Wheee! :D

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Judgment Day

Its never over till it's over.
One day and many meanings to these few words.
The end often comes out of the blue, when you least expect it. Or maybe when you'd like to least expect it.
And sometimes its not the end, but the end of the beginning, as you wait for the bigger better things to come along;just a wait for the next stage.*
And sometimes you have to end it yourself, coz it's never over till you bring it to an end.

There's a beauty in some endings. A part of you, finding a strange contentment in the heartache. A little hope. A little disillusionment. A little part of you that's been set free. The world might have come crumbling down but that just means a clean slate right? A chance to build it again, a little differently from the last time. Dream a new dream.

And the end doesn't come with a big bang. It comes quietly and leaves little behind. Perhaps that's the most difficult part, the emptiness that it leaves behind.

What it does leave behind is a lot of regret. Reflections. Images. Quiet nights. A strange vacuum when  you have nothing to do or say. Lapses of judgment. Dreamless sleep. Questions. No answers. Unsaid, bitter words. Distrust. And a shattered self esteem.

And sometimes a longing for one last chance to say I Miss You.

*Thank You Viki for not making my belief in this one falter. :)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

These streets will make you feel brand new

These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray,Right through the very heart of it - New York, New York-Frank Sinatra

The snow covered cars parked outside that I watched from the warm, heated hostel room.
The street musicians at the subway station.
The red steps at Times Square.
The smell of freshly made hot dogs at every corner.
The frozen Central Park and the Manhattan skyline beyond the park.
The city at dusk, from the 62nd floor of Rockefeller.
The Metropolitan Museum where one can easily spend a few days and yet not finish everything that there is to see.
Posing with the stars at Tussauds like every tourist would.
The newly wed couple taking pictures at Times Square.
Watching the city, lit up, as far as your eyes can see from the observatory at Empire State building.
Not knowing whether it was day or night on a walk down Times Square.
Navigating through the subway system that never fails to confuse.
Running through the streets to catch the late night show at Regal.
Shopping myself crazy at HnM, Forever 21, Victoria's Secret and haggling at the street corners for the cheapest deals on the “I <3 NY”.t-shirts.
Top it off with the Museum of Sex.
Hamburgers and fries with a friend at two in the night.
The noise.
The lights.
The chaos.
The city that never sleeps.
And a few wonderful friends to discover the city with.
No place ever got so perfect.

And if you ask me what was the best part about it, well it was the anonymity.
The city of 8 million and yet some of my best memories are from my solitary wanderings from around the city, on the days I did not carry my camera with me and all I have are the everlasting imprints on my mind.
The quaint seaport area near Fulton Street with the adorable open-air cafes where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger.
The Trinity Church and the small, snow covered cemetery, where the father saw me fill up the prayer form and let me light a candle at the altar.
Looking up at the buildings in and around Wall Street, open mouthed and in awe.
The walk down Columbus Avenue and past Lincoln Centre.
Walking the Brooklyn Bridge promenade, stopping to see the Statue of Liberty in the distance and the Manhattan skyline.
The old man on the bus who told me how to get the tickets and told me exactly where to get down.
The salesgirl at Guess who got me a coffee and exchanged student life experiences with me.
The girl at Body Shop who failed to understand how I wasn't feeling cold.
The woman on the tube who struck up a conversation about the numerous shopping bags we were carrying and the guy who discussed Indian music with me.
It's so easy to lose oneself in the city. And find yourself in the process.
It's so easy to be anonymous but not a stranger.
Walk alone but not feel lonely.
The anonymity is a blessing.

Yes New York, I love you.
For the heady sights and sounds and the busy roads.
The big lights and the bigger dreams.
For the new ways in which I discovered you everyday.
For how everyone finds their favourite place in the city.
For how one feels at home.
For how it feels like I've known you forever.
For the feeling of familiarity in anonymity.
And for the 5 most brilliant days of my life.

I'm coming back, and that's a promise. :)

Monday, February 14, 2011

A visitor from the past

The past always follows you around.
So many times in my life I've looked at someone, and said, “Well, thats the last I'm gonna see of that person”.
Never worked. They keep coming back to my life. Sometimes in the form of a pleasant evening spent remembering our stupid, old selves and mistakes and sometimes like a blast from the past, in a way most unexpected and most unpleasant. But the truth remains- The past always follows you round.

So you take all the pain and pack those memories up in small boxes and keep them high on the dusty shelves, to be forgotten.
And you spend nights trying to figure out what went wrong.
And you sit up on the terrace on a cold night and tell yourself your eyes are stinging from the cold, not tears.
And you remember again, the tunes of your favourite song when you were 12 years old.
And you tell yourself to move on and find new things to make you happy.
And you learn to tell yourself that things have changed and you say it till you start believing it.

And then the visitor from the past. And it all comes crashing back.
Sometimes, a most amusing story to hold on to.
And sometimes you realize the pain was never gone.
It's all a ploy. It's life's way of reminding you of the lessons you've learnt.
Or maybe not.
Maybe its one more of those things that I keep telling myself so I start believing it.
Whichever way, there's no running away. 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"Chai mein dooba biscuit ho gaya :D "

This post is inspired by a lot of things.
Most importantly by the recently telecast Filmfare Awards, more specifically by Shahrukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit.

I mean have you seen the crackling chemistry?! And she's GORGEOUS, so gorgeous! Sigh.
Move over the Munni's and Sheila's, the original Dhak Dhak girl is the ultimate 'maal'.
Who can forget Rahul's Maya and Devdas' Chandramukhi?
And Shahrukh Khan? The lesser said, the better. Sigh.

And well. Its difficult to forget Shanker and Gauri as they try to free themselves from the clutches of the despicable bad-guy you love to hate, Rajasaheb (Amrish Puri). My heart went out to Shahrukh as he transforms from the subservient, mute slave to the vengeful, 'angry young man' and the plight of poor Madhuri duped into marriage with the bad guy!

And well Dil Toh Pagal Hai will remain my most favourite movie EVER after DDLJ. 3 hours of absolute awesomeness! Who can forget them dancing in the rain in Chak dhoom dhoom, or Dholna or that scene when Rahul first sees Pooja dancing to his drumbeats or the very last scene as Pooja faces the audience and her recording plays in the background?..
jab woh mujhe dekhta hai, toh mujhe lagta hai ki main khubsurat hun.
jab woh hasta hai, toh jee chahta hai naach uthhun.
jab woh ruuth jata hai, toh jee chahta hai ki usse baahon me le lun.

jab pyar karta hai to ankh bhar aati hai.
woh mujhe ehsas dilata hai, ki main uske liye bani hun aur woh mere liye.
main usse bahut pyar karti hun.

ek din ke liye nahi, ek pal ke liye nahi. zindagi bhar k liye...

SHIT! Can't get better can it?
It's the reason I believe that 'someone somewhere is made for you'. Sigh.

Second is the movie Band Baaja Baraat. My current favourite. SO Yash Raj! SO feel good. So, reminiscent of the days of the good old DDLJ, DTPH, KKHH …

Glitzy, colorful Indian weddings and some good old romance. PERFECT.
Add to it a brilliant soundtrack. This movie stays with you long after you've watched it.
Yes, its predictable. Yes, the climax is as cliched as it can get. But it's exactly why I loved it so much! So predictable, yet so fresh, so uninhibited, so earnest and so BOLLYWOOD.
Plus Anushka Sharma, sooo pretty. :)
The movie made me want to attend a wedding BADLY. Maybe my sister will oblige. (I know that's an impossibility right now, but what's the harm in hoping? :P)

Also, I must mention this is why I LOVE home. The T.V.. I'm amazed everytime by how I could have survived three months without it!
I LOVE long holidays. :D
Till the next post, I'm going to go down the memory lane and take out my old collection of music. Have you felt the joy in fishing out old, dusty cassettes, yes AUDIO CASSETTES. The ones you cajoled your parents into buying because you couldn't get “Arre re Arre yeh kya hua” out of your head? Try it.
And don't be surprised when a smile lights up your face everytime you pick out your old, dusty, childhood favourites.

P.S. You MUST listen to aivayin aivayin from Band Baaja Baraat. It's addictive, I TELL you. Chai mein dooba biscuit ho gaya? Haha. <3 Bollywood <3

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Sunny side up. NOT.

Anger. Its not as simple as this one word. It always includes sorrow, pride, frustration, jealousy and deceit. 
In short, its complicated.
I'm afraid I'm not too good at expressing it. Or rather I usually don't have any clue what to do with anger and all of that.

Take for instance the verbal expression of it all. So we do we talk or do we not? Shut up and simmer or shout and let it out? Stop talking to the person who angered us or go on with life like nothing happened, letting the person be humiliated by our forgiveness. Then of course there are cases when 'humiliation by forgiveness' doesn't really work because the person in question doesn't even know I'm angry! But then of course how exactly is it forgiveness if we intend to humiliate?! And then again coming back to the question of dealing with anger, do we forget and forgive or plan a retaliation? The former seems like the more intelligent thing to do but then who denies the high from revenge?

Fail or FAIL?

I never know what to do. I'd like to think of myself as a vengeful person because vengeance, in some twisted way, rhymes with power. But well I get muddled mid-way! I can, if I try, plan a long drawn-out revenge, but I'll probably forget about it midway. Or get tired of it. I need a new toy. I need a new thought.
So the last time I tried the 'stop talking to the person' route, I was the first one to break that rule. It's too tiring, I'm telling you. How do you stay angry with anyone for long anyway?! And it's too much of a bother. And it makes you feel depressed all day. Plus I can't NOT talk. If you know me you know that. FAIL.
And the 'humiliation through forgiveness'; EXTREMELY overrated I must say. Half the times they won't even know I'm angry with THEM, forget knowing WHY I'm angry. Plus it's such a mean thing to do. Double standards. I hate it. I don't use it till I MUST; double standards I mean.

Well, so whattodo?

Oh and did I mention half the times I, myself don't know I should be angry with someone?
In that case, just stay away from my illusion please?

It's all too complicated. Why don't I have answers to things like these? It'd make life a lot easier if I did.

Did I tell you I've been praying for a boring life, for the next 3 years at least?

Monday, January 17, 2011


People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
-Chuck Palahniuk

And so true.

P.S.: Also, it disturbing how questions about how much one is prepared before an exam has been replaced by questions about whether I am giving the exam.

Mutual Addiction

There are some things that you keep coming back to. Things. And people.
Like your favourite song. Your best friend(s). Your favourite pizza.
It’s not like it’s what I always want, but my need for them never ceases. Like I don’t always feel like talking to my best friend, I’d rather talk to the guy I met at NLSMUN last month. I don’t always feel like a simple margherita, I rather enjoy cheese and pepperoni. But it’s just that I love those a little more than the others.
They’re my favourites. My comfort zone. And they have something attached to them.

I’m also a big sucker for rituals. Possibly why I believe in God and Karma. I like my familiar things. Things that don’t change, at some level, they remain the same. And I like to keep coming back to it, or them. To the familiarity and marvel at how it all fits in so well. Everytime. It never ceases to amaze me.
But then again I am amazed by the most mundane, obvious things. I like it that way. Life would be boring otherwise. It’s always nice to have sudden realizations- a nice, healthy jolt. Sometimes I wonder, when will that LIFECHANGING incident happen? When my life goes topsy turvy and I know I’m living the ultimate dream. I think life’s too short to spend collecting the million small moments. But I guess I have to wait for the big one. Not in sight definitely.

But then again I’ve done quite a few drastic things last year. Definitely some of the bigger ‘small moments’. Now I HATE introspection. But then I do it all the time. Precisely why I hate it. Also, I’m a BAD learner. I don’t remember the lessons I learn, till I have to learn it again. So introspection doesn’t really help me. But anyway, moving on to introspection on the year that went by. It was quite a learning curve- I did quite a few things right and many more things wrong, did wild, crazy things and loved it and hated myself for it later, met new people and made new friends, took wrong decisions and tried to correct them, put myself out there in the open and learnt to brave it out, learnt to care a little less about the world (I still haven’t decided if that’s good or bad).

Most importantly I learnt there are some things and people in life that/who are indispensable. Whoever says otherwise still hasn’t realized this. You need it. The comfort of the familiarity and being able to take solace in the fact that they remain unchanged. And they remind you of the lessons you’ve learnt- good and bad. Such a comfort, always- to be reminded of the million small lessons learnt in the million small moments. Which brings me back to my point- My favourite things, they are the indispensables and I wouldn’t want to lose them or forget them, even if it means a little sacrifice is needed for the same =)

P.S.: I am currently addicted to "Make this go on forever" by Snow Patrol. Go listen. =)
P.P.S: I also don't know why I named the post whatever i did.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


It always happens. That one time when we overdo it. Stretch it beyond how much we can take. And she breaks finally.
It hurts and it takes so long to heal and every step reminds you of the fall, but you learn to take it in your stride and find your supports.
Everyone has it. The weak spot. And sometimes we are too attached to that weakness to try and change it, to let it go. We know it has the potential to hurt, but we play along; play along till it reaches the breakdown point.
And that break remains. Forever. It never heals completely. Its never the same again.
The Fracture.
It seeps into every walk of life.
The same conversations, now no more the same.
The same jokes, not as funny anymore.
The same places, not making the same memories anymore.
Everything's the same, everything's in place, except for that break. The Fracture.