Monday, January 17, 2011


People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
-Chuck Palahniuk

And so true.

P.S.: Also, it disturbing how questions about how much one is prepared before an exam has been replaced by questions about whether I am giving the exam.

Mutual Addiction

There are some things that you keep coming back to. Things. And people.
Like your favourite song. Your best friend(s). Your favourite pizza.
It’s not like it’s what I always want, but my need for them never ceases. Like I don’t always feel like talking to my best friend, I’d rather talk to the guy I met at NLSMUN last month. I don’t always feel like a simple margherita, I rather enjoy cheese and pepperoni. But it’s just that I love those a little more than the others.
They’re my favourites. My comfort zone. And they have something attached to them.

I’m also a big sucker for rituals. Possibly why I believe in God and Karma. I like my familiar things. Things that don’t change, at some level, they remain the same. And I like to keep coming back to it, or them. To the familiarity and marvel at how it all fits in so well. Everytime. It never ceases to amaze me.
But then again I am amazed by the most mundane, obvious things. I like it that way. Life would be boring otherwise. It’s always nice to have sudden realizations- a nice, healthy jolt. Sometimes I wonder, when will that LIFECHANGING incident happen? When my life goes topsy turvy and I know I’m living the ultimate dream. I think life’s too short to spend collecting the million small moments. But I guess I have to wait for the big one. Not in sight definitely.

But then again I’ve done quite a few drastic things last year. Definitely some of the bigger ‘small moments’. Now I HATE introspection. But then I do it all the time. Precisely why I hate it. Also, I’m a BAD learner. I don’t remember the lessons I learn, till I have to learn it again. So introspection doesn’t really help me. But anyway, moving on to introspection on the year that went by. It was quite a learning curve- I did quite a few things right and many more things wrong, did wild, crazy things and loved it and hated myself for it later, met new people and made new friends, took wrong decisions and tried to correct them, put myself out there in the open and learnt to brave it out, learnt to care a little less about the world (I still haven’t decided if that’s good or bad).

Most importantly I learnt there are some things and people in life that/who are indispensable. Whoever says otherwise still hasn’t realized this. You need it. The comfort of the familiarity and being able to take solace in the fact that they remain unchanged. And they remind you of the lessons you’ve learnt- good and bad. Such a comfort, always- to be reminded of the million small lessons learnt in the million small moments. Which brings me back to my point- My favourite things, they are the indispensables and I wouldn’t want to lose them or forget them, even if it means a little sacrifice is needed for the same =)

P.S.: I am currently addicted to "Make this go on forever" by Snow Patrol. Go listen. =)
P.P.S: I also don't know why I named the post whatever i did.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


It always happens. That one time when we overdo it. Stretch it beyond how much we can take. And she breaks finally.
It hurts and it takes so long to heal and every step reminds you of the fall, but you learn to take it in your stride and find your supports.
Everyone has it. The weak spot. And sometimes we are too attached to that weakness to try and change it, to let it go. We know it has the potential to hurt, but we play along; play along till it reaches the breakdown point.
And that break remains. Forever. It never heals completely. Its never the same again.
The Fracture.
It seeps into every walk of life.
The same conversations, now no more the same.
The same jokes, not as funny anymore.
The same places, not making the same memories anymore.
Everything's the same, everything's in place, except for that break. The Fracture.