Thursday, March 31, 2011

Judgment Day

Its never over till it's over.
One day and many meanings to these few words.
The end often comes out of the blue, when you least expect it. Or maybe when you'd like to least expect it.
And sometimes its not the end, but the end of the beginning, as you wait for the bigger better things to come along;just a wait for the next stage.*
And sometimes you have to end it yourself, coz it's never over till you bring it to an end.

There's a beauty in some endings. A part of you, finding a strange contentment in the heartache. A little hope. A little disillusionment. A little part of you that's been set free. The world might have come crumbling down but that just means a clean slate right? A chance to build it again, a little differently from the last time. Dream a new dream.

And the end doesn't come with a big bang. It comes quietly and leaves little behind. Perhaps that's the most difficult part, the emptiness that it leaves behind.

What it does leave behind is a lot of regret. Reflections. Images. Quiet nights. A strange vacuum when  you have nothing to do or say. Lapses of judgment. Dreamless sleep. Questions. No answers. Unsaid, bitter words. Distrust. And a shattered self esteem.

And sometimes a longing for one last chance to say I Miss You.

*Thank You Viki for not making my belief in this one falter. :)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

These streets will make you feel brand new

These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray,Right through the very heart of it - New York, New York-Frank Sinatra

The snow covered cars parked outside that I watched from the warm, heated hostel room.
The street musicians at the subway station.
The red steps at Times Square.
The smell of freshly made hot dogs at every corner.
The frozen Central Park and the Manhattan skyline beyond the park.
The city at dusk, from the 62nd floor of Rockefeller.
The Metropolitan Museum where one can easily spend a few days and yet not finish everything that there is to see.
Posing with the stars at Tussauds like every tourist would.
The newly wed couple taking pictures at Times Square.
Watching the city, lit up, as far as your eyes can see from the observatory at Empire State building.
Not knowing whether it was day or night on a walk down Times Square.
Navigating through the subway system that never fails to confuse.
Running through the streets to catch the late night show at Regal.
Shopping myself crazy at HnM, Forever 21, Victoria's Secret and haggling at the street corners for the cheapest deals on the “I <3 NY”.t-shirts.
Top it off with the Museum of Sex.
Hamburgers and fries with a friend at two in the night.
The noise.
The lights.
The chaos.
The city that never sleeps.
And a few wonderful friends to discover the city with.
No place ever got so perfect.

And if you ask me what was the best part about it, well it was the anonymity.
The city of 8 million and yet some of my best memories are from my solitary wanderings from around the city, on the days I did not carry my camera with me and all I have are the everlasting imprints on my mind.
The quaint seaport area near Fulton Street with the adorable open-air cafes where you strike up a conversation with a complete stranger.
The Trinity Church and the small, snow covered cemetery, where the father saw me fill up the prayer form and let me light a candle at the altar.
Looking up at the buildings in and around Wall Street, open mouthed and in awe.
The walk down Columbus Avenue and past Lincoln Centre.
Walking the Brooklyn Bridge promenade, stopping to see the Statue of Liberty in the distance and the Manhattan skyline.
The old man on the bus who told me how to get the tickets and told me exactly where to get down.
The salesgirl at Guess who got me a coffee and exchanged student life experiences with me.
The girl at Body Shop who failed to understand how I wasn't feeling cold.
The woman on the tube who struck up a conversation about the numerous shopping bags we were carrying and the guy who discussed Indian music with me.
It's so easy to lose oneself in the city. And find yourself in the process.
It's so easy to be anonymous but not a stranger.
Walk alone but not feel lonely.
The anonymity is a blessing.

Yes New York, I love you.
For the heady sights and sounds and the busy roads.
The big lights and the bigger dreams.
For the new ways in which I discovered you everyday.
For how everyone finds their favourite place in the city.
For how one feels at home.
For how it feels like I've known you forever.
For the feeling of familiarity in anonymity.
And for the 5 most brilliant days of my life.

I'm coming back, and that's a promise. :)