A visitor from the past

The past always follows you around.

So many times in my life I've looked at someone, and said, “Well, thats the last I'm gonna see of that person”.

Never worked. They keep coming back to my life. Sometimes in the form of a pleasant evening spent remembering our stupid, old selves and mistakes and sometimes like a blast from the past, in a way most unexpected and most unpleasant. But the truth remains- The past always follows you round.

So you take all the pain and pack those memories up in small boxes and keep them high on the dusty shelves, to be forgotten.

And you spend nights trying to figure out what went wrong.

And you sit up on the terrace on a cold night and tell yourself your eyes are stinging from the cold, not tears.

And you remember again, the tunes of your favourite song when you were 12 years old.

And you tell yourself to move on and find new things to make you happy.

And you learn to tell yourself that things have changed and you say it till you start believing it.

And then the visitor from the past. And it all comes crashing back.

Sometimes, a most amusing story to hold on to.

And sometimes you realize the pain was never gone.

It's all a ploy. It's life's way of reminding you of the lessons you've learnt.

Or maybe not.

Maybe its one more of those things that I keep telling myself so I start believing it.

Whichever way, there's no running away. 

"Chai mein dooba biscuit ho gaya :D "

This post is inspired by a lot of things.

Most importantly by the recently telecast Filmfare Awards, more specifically by Shahrukh Khan and Madhuri Dixit.

I mean have you seen the crackling chemistry?! And she's GORGEOUS, so gorgeous! Sigh.

Move over the Munni's and Sheila's, the original Dhak Dhak girl is the ultimate 'maal'.

Who can forget Rahul's Maya and Devdas' Chandramukhi?

And Shahrukh Khan? The lesser said, the better. Sigh.

And well. Its difficult to forget Shanker and Gauri as they try to free themselves from the clutches of the despicable bad-guy you love to hate, Rajasaheb (Amrish Puri). My heart went out to Shahrukh as he transforms from the subservient, mute slave to the vengeful, 'angry young man' and the plight of poor Madhuri duped into marriage with the bad guy!

And well Dil Toh Pagal Hai will remain my most favourite movie EVER after DDLJ. 3 hours of absolute awesomeness! Who can forget them dancing in the rain in Chak dhoom dhoom, or Dholna or that scene when Rahul first sees Pooja dancing to his drumbeats or the very last scene as Pooja faces the audience and her recording plays in the background?..

“jab woh mujhe dekhta hai, toh mujhe lagta hai ki main khubsurat hun.

jab woh hasta hai, toh jee chahta hai naach uthhun.

jab woh ruuth jata hai, toh jee chahta hai ki usse baahon me le lun.

jab pyar karta hai to ankh bhar aati hai.

woh mujhe ehsas dilata hai, ki main uske liye bani hun aur woh mere liye.

main usse bahut pyar karti hun.

ek din ke liye nahi, ek pal ke liye nahi. zindagi bhar k liye...”

SHIT! Can't get better can it?

It's the reason I believe that 'someone somewhere is made for you'. Sigh.

Second is the movie Band Baaja Baraat. My current favourite. SO Yash Raj! SO feel good. So, reminiscent of the days of the good old DDLJ, DTPH, KKHH …

Glitzy, colorful Indian weddings and some good old romance. PERFECT.

Add to it a brilliant soundtrack. This movie stays with you long after you've watched it.

Yes, its predictable. Yes, the climax is as cliched as it can get. But it's exactly why I loved it so much! So predictable, yet so fresh, so uninhibited, so earnest and so BOLLYWOOD.

Plus Anushka Sharma, sooo pretty. :)

L.O.V.E.

The movie made me want to attend a wedding BADLY. Maybe my sister will oblige. (I know that's an impossibility right now, but what's the harm in hoping? :P)

Also, I must mention this is why I LOVE home. The T.V.. I'm amazed everytime by how I could have survived three months without it!

Sigh.

I LOVE long holidays. :D

Till the next post, I'm going to go down the memory lane and take out my old collection of music. Have you felt the joy in fishing out old, dusty cassettes, yes AUDIO CASSETTES. The ones you cajoled your parents into buying because you couldn't get “Arre re Arre yeh kya hua” out of your head? Try it.

And don't be surprised when a smile lights up your face everytime you pick out your old, dusty, childhood favourites.

P.S. You MUST listen to aivayin aivayin from Band Baaja Baraat. It's addictive, I TELL you. Chai mein dooba biscuit ho gaya? Haha. <3 Bollywood <3

Sunny side up. NOT.

Anger. Its not as simple as this one word. It always includes sorrow, pride, frustration, jealousy and deceit. 

In short, its complicated.

I'm afraid I'm not too good at expressing it. Or rather I usually don't have any clue what to do with anger and all of that.

Take for instance the verbal expression of it all. So we do we talk or do we not? Shut up and simmer or shout and let it out? Stop talking to the person who angered us or go on with life like nothing happened, letting the person be humiliated by our forgiveness. Then of course there are cases when 'humiliation by forgiveness' doesn't really work because the person in question doesn't even know I'm angry! But then of course how exactly is it forgiveness if we intend to humiliate?! And then again coming back to the question of dealing with anger, do we forget and forgive or plan a retaliation? The former seems like the more intelligent thing to do but then who denies the high from revenge?

Fail or FAIL?

I never know what to do. I'd like to think of myself as a vengeful person because vengeance, in some twisted way, rhymes with power. But well I get muddled mid-way! I can, if I try, plan a long drawn-out revenge, but I'll probably forget about it midway. Or get tired of it. I need a new toy. I need a new thought.

So the last time I tried the 'stop talking to the person' route, I was the first one to break that rule. It's too tiring, I'm telling you. How do you stay angry with anyone for long anyway?! And it's too much of a bother. And it makes you feel depressed all day. Plus I can't NOT talk. If you know me you know that. FAIL.

And the 'humiliation through forgiveness'; EXTREMELY overrated I must say. Half the times they won't even know I'm angry with THEM, forget knowing WHY I'm angry. Plus it's such a mean thing to do. Double standards. I hate it. I don't use it till I MUST; double standards I mean.

Well, so whattodo?

Oh and did I mention half the times I, myself don't know I should be angry with someone?

In that case, just stay away from my illusion please?

It's all too complicated. Why don't I have answers to things like these? It'd make life a lot easier if I did.

Sigh.

Did I tell you I've been praying for a boring life, for the next 3 years at least?