Just Like Always

I've often wondered how I had such an uneventful childhood and school-days. There was nothing out-of-place that happened. There was nothing exciting or life-changing that made everything go topsy turvy.

My life was wrapped up in the whispers and giggles of the morning assembly, the frisbee matches in the corridors, the longing glances at the Mercs in our 'dream house', the phuchka and Upper Crust treats after school, the car rides back home, often spent in pin drop silence and more often in non-stop chatter, pillow talks till 4 in the night, scared texting on stormy, pre-physics-exam nights, Rabindrajayantis and Teachers days, heartbreaks, heartaches and breakup mails, hushed talks in the library corner, Breezers outside amartya's, camping outside Doga's, incessant complaints about all the 'chaap' from home, the "Who's Pratyusha dating?" games, the photoshoots all over school, the Saraswati Pujos, the Lake meetings...

It’s as normal as it can possibly get, never surprising, never different and maybe that's why I forgot to notice it was as perfect as it can get!

Those perfect days might be over but you know they can't be gone forever when the people who made it so turn up at your doorstep, when you're missing them the most, though they're supposed to be in some other city, when an iced tea and the IIT terrace is all u need to pick up from just where u left, when one evening at the Rooftop is all you need to learn to love the Calcutta skyline once more, in a new way.

I will go to sleep, crying into my pillow tonite, not because I'm sad but because it’s so beautiful to have an intense feeling and the right words at the same time. 

Everything's made to be broken

It's funny how we live life.

Spend decades in a city, make friends, make promises, write letters, gift earrings, cry over coffee.

Then leave all that behind for another city.

Another life.

Another set of friends, a new set of promises, type in texts, gift more earrings and gloss over tears.

Then you leave all that and go back expecting people to be the same.

The kind who made friends with you, made promises, wrote letters, gifted earrings, hugged when you cried.

But they change.

And you are left rummaging through old letters, locating pairs of earrings and lying awake in caffeine induced insomnia.

And well you can’t blame life can you? You can’t blame others for moving on can you?
There’s someone saying the very same things about you.

So take those memories and lock them up in little boxes coz they aren’t coming back. 
The days are gone. Maybe a glimpse here and a glimpse there, but they’re not here to stay back.

First Friend=Last Friend

So there are these people who you take for granted…but they’re always around.
Through the good and the bad. Through the ups and downs and you can never find the correct words to thank them.
Yes, I am high and sentimental.
But it’s all worth it on the birthday of the one friend you don’t want to lose.

Happy Birthday My First Friend=My Last Friend.
Niyati Gandhi.

Check her out at http://newlampsforold.blogspot.com/. Niyaaaaa <3

Little women...and men.

I never know what I really want. I want a bit of this and a bit of that, only to realize its one or none.

My DEEP conversation. Actually, i wanted to try out a cool screenshot ;)

In the course of having a DEEP conversation with one of my close friends* today I came to two VERY IMPORTANT conclusions:

My Little Monster <3

a)Boys are monsters**. ALL of them. Even the one who you thought was really nice . Only you probably/will probably choose to close your eyes to signs of his monstrosity. The good, little monster of your life you know.

b)MOST girls are evil, manipulative bitches. Don’t get it? Try this. It’s so true its creepy. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/02/fashion/02love.html?pagewanted=3&_r=2.*** It’s like  someone cut-copy-pasted all that I had in my mind. But I said ‘MOST’. There are a few good ones also. Rare, but there. Or maybe we again just choose to close our eyes to it because she’s your best friend and she’s the good, little bitch of your life. A little bit of manipulation and bitching never did anyone harm. :P

I need to start loving myself a little more. Late realization, but true. I’ve spent all these years giving primacy to others before me- parents, friends, best friends, boyfriend, the-one-I-want-as-my-boyfriend. Enough. Must stop now. Noone’s worth it. Except, your parents. Mom and Dad are the best things that happened to you. J

I cried myself to sleep last night. It’s possibly the most unpleasant thing in the world. I woke up in the morning with a headache and exactly the same thoughts as I’d gone to sleep with. Fail.

What I really need right now is the beach + coconut water + my best friend + a LONG conversation on the ultimate question of  life, the universe and everything (and the answer to that is neither 42 nor ‘nothing’ in my Universe).

Alanis Morissette is God! She knows everything. And she has a song to suit every problem in my life. I don’t think I can EVER get over “Hands Clean”. It makes me laugh everytime, and feel a little bit sad too.

I LOVE the cartoon week celebrations that’s all over Facebook. It’s funny how it’s made so many of my friends ACTUALLY  Youtube  the favourite episode/scene of their favourite cartoon/animation movie. I like the happy feel of it all. As MM says, “the world has finally woken up to the art that is animation”. J

I think the song  “Sheila ki Jawaani” is ABSOLUTELY disgusting. I don’t know why everyone’s going gaga over it. It sounds bad, looks bad and is well  BAD. Period.

My projects will NEVER get over till I log out of GTalk. Little I can do about it though. I feel like I can’t breathe without being online on GTalk. =/

I think today was the International Day of Cynicism. It was everywhere, all the time.

Don’t be fooled by the title of the post. It has little to do with whatever I wrote. I TOLD you I was messed up in the head today! Or did I?

*You know who you are.

**Copyright-Niya. Don't forget to check her out at http://newlampsforold.blogspot.com/ <3

*** Thank you for that absolutely life changing article- you know who you are.

"Last Friday Night"

So, everyone has one of those days.

Days when one makes that one big faux pas. So how much does it really matter? The mistake. More importantly what matters more? The friend you lost? The trust and faith people lost on you? The guilty conscience? The pointed glares and cold shoulders? The humiliation and embarrassment? I could never decide for myself. I didn’t know which was worse.

But the best way to deal with it, I learnt, was to be with my friends. It’s a test too. You come out of it knowing those people who you know will stand by you through thick and thin. And it’s a comforting thought indeed. So, give it back to them when they are facing the rough patch coz you know the worth of a text message asking you if you’re ok. Coz you know the worth of a long talk on the parking lot benches. Coz you know the worth of that hug that says “I’m right here”. Coz you know the security of knowing someone’s fighting for you. Frame that moment when you’re drunk and can’t stand straight  and you sit on the bike and lean against your friend for support and see the laser lights making patterns in the sky. That’s your moment and there’s your friend.

When so many things are going wrong, take solace in the fact that someone’s ready to watch your back and set it right. Find those people and never let them go coz they are the ones who really care. Good or bad, everything happens for a reason so follow MM’s mantra in life- Keep calm and eat cupcakes. But don’t forget to share them with the one who bought you that comfort food. J

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice :)

So, I had one of those long terrace conversations with my friend today. And there’s so much that came out of it.

We talked about how different our lives have become in the course of these last three months-

broken bonds, new misunderstandings, changed equations, new friends and the distancing of old ones, missed opportunities, new foundations and the loss of the old ones, how the contentment that filled me at the end of my 1^st year in law school is all but mostly non-existent now, how life’s been too fast for me to catch up with it, we laughed at how one gets to hear the weirdest rumours about oneself here, we talked about choices and the fear of not being the chosen one, of choices one makes while dealing with the same thing, of priorities and decisions, of not being what I mean to people anymore, of not letting closed wounds open up and haunt us again...

We talked about how I baked a cake for my friend’s birthday today and its many connotations in my life.  How it’s my attempt at getting my life back on its old track by doing something I used to do; it’s my attempt at making amends and setting things right with a friend I don’t want to lose; How it’s therapeutic in a weird way- how everything is measured and put in the perfect amount and how when the baked cake comes out smelling of chocolate and the perfect brown colour, it makes me feel so good about myself, so secure in its success!

It wasn’t one of those ‘depressed days’ conversations, just one of those days when one wants to speak, wants to let it all out, wants to question everything out aloud, clear all those confusions, wants to start all over again... It’s just one of those days when one sits down and makes a checklist of everything that went right and everything that didn’t and take solace in the ones that did and make promises to oneself to make the others work out the next time...

Life’s just like the cake you know...All you need to know is the perfect baking time. You need to know the correct time and the correct ingredient and the correct company. There’s always the small impurity in the ingredient you need to sift  out; always the possibility of putting too much of the cocoa powder that makes it turn bitter, experience teaches you the perfect amount; always the extra amount of cream that makes the icing too liquid so it doesn’t sit nicely on the cake, the correct consistency comes with pouring it little at a time; and there’s ALWAYS the contentment that comes with having that leftover piece of cake after everyone has devoured it... At the end of the day, life IS about sugar and spice and everything nice, just find the correct people to share it with, choose them carefully and choose them well coz they make the experience worth it...