The Sister of My Heart

So my sister landed a job! :)
One that promises lots of chocolates. And added perks like extra allowances every month. :P


So it makes me think. About my childhood. Walk down that memory lane that's  now kind of difficult to figure out due to the overgrowths and grapevines of the years of experiences and memories.


She was the stud. I was always the one trying to be one.
She was the ideal child. I was busy getting over trying to be Kareena Kapoor! :P
She was the responsible one. I was the one she tried saving from getting into trouble.


But she adored me. Loved me like she's possibly loved no one till date.
And my childhood was spent, to a large extent, trying to be like her.


I grew up under her protective wings.
In the beginning, in school and our drawing classes, I always known as 'Sudeshna's sister'...
And they all expected nothing less from me than the studliness she'd already exhibited.
Sometimes i hated being tagged as someone's sister and not having an identity of my own. But then i was too small then. It dint really matter at that point of time.


And then i started growing up, spreading my wings, slowly peeking from behind her protective wings and trying to find a footing in the world- shaky and apprehensive.
And then she left.
I was 12 then.
And i cried my eyes out. Coz i was scared. I was afraid she'd forget me. Forget that i still needed her. That she'd find new people to love. She'd find a new world for herself, far, far away from the imaginary Gucciland we inhabited.




And thus i grew up. Miles away from her. She'd come home once in 5 months and i slowly learnt to live without sharing the tiniest bit of my life with her.
I learnt to sleep alone in the room.
I learnt to do my Maths homework alone and study for my exams without running to her and asking her to help me revise.
I learnt to handle my boy problems myself.
I built a world for myself. And an identity.
I was no more Sudeshna's sister.
I had a bunch of very dependable friends who always made me fell loved and lucky.


But i never managed to learn to live WITHOUT her.
Her advice still mattered the most.
She always knew exactly what to say and more importantly what NOT to say.
She still does.
She's still the one who mediates a fight between me and my my Mom.
She's still the more responsible one.
She's still the one who holds it all together.


But i learnt one thing over the years.
She's NEVER loved anyone as much as me.
I possibly failed her on that ground.


I miss her.
And i've learnt to love her more.


Yes, she's the sister of my heart...