Everything's made to be broken

It's funny how we live life.

Spend decades in a city, make friends, make promises, write letters, gift earrings, cry over coffee.

Then leave all that behind for another city.

Another life.

Another set of friends, a new set of promises, type in texts, gift more earrings and gloss over tears.

Then you leave all that and go back expecting people to be the same.

The kind who made friends with you, made promises, wrote letters, gifted earrings, hugged when you cried.

But they change.

And you are left rummaging through old letters, locating pairs of earrings and lying awake in caffeine induced insomnia.

And well you can’t blame life can you? You can’t blame others for moving on can you?
There’s someone saying the very same things about you.

So take those memories and lock them up in little boxes coz they aren’t coming back. 
The days are gone. Maybe a glimpse here and a glimpse there, but they’re not here to stay back.

Of possession and fear...

“Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which you reason and your judgment wage war against passion and your appetite.

Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody

But how shall I, unless you yourselves be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?” 

–Kahlil Gibran

One finds a strange comfort in the hollowness of beautiful words sometimes. Like gems that were waiting to be unearthed by you. Waiting to tell you what you want to listen to.

Those words are not just that. They are what I am. They are what I am fighting. They tell stories of the cold nights on the terrace. They tell stories of the sleepless darkness that I’m fighting. They are the stories of those words casually thrown around and that refuse to leave you alone.

The stories of the pain that comes with a harsh, cold night, when your eyes smart from the ice-cold wind and your fingers turn numb when you run them over the steel railings and you muffle a shiver as you place your bare foot on the granite slabs washed by the cruel, cold moonlight. And you know there’s so much to say and you know that much of it will remain unsaid, because you fear. You fear losing what you cherish and you fear having to face it and you fear that nothing will be the same and you fear that you will wake up to a reality much harsher than this. And you know that you’re fighting that war.

The stories of the turmoil when you know it’s the not the right thing. But you want it to BE. And you close your eyes and walk on pretending to know not where it’s all leading. And you fumble for your totem and hope the dream is your reality. And the war is still on.

And you know the answer to it all along. When it comes down to the battle, there’s only one way you win this one. The answer lies in fighting for oneself. Your needs are but your weaknesses. That person you seek is but your undoing. The answer lies in YOU.

Trials and Triumphs

Choice.

That’s what our lives are about. Choices- the ones we make and the ones we don’t. The ones we don’t possibly, unknowingly affecting us more than the ones we do.  

So we choose to close our eyes to things we don’t want to believe. Choose to not believe something because we think it helps us face the next day much more easily. So today a friend asked “Is it wrong to make the easier choice?” and well I couldn’t really blame anyone for wanting to do so. Yes, it’s the more selfish choice to make because denials just make acceptance difficult for others, but well, who cares about the others? Life’s about US right? At the end of the day, we are answerable to ourselves and as long as u can look in the mirror and look into your own eyes and not feel guilty about things we do and decision we take, it’s ALL that matters.

So I tell myself –Stop trying to be the noble one and accepting things, ignore truths you don’t want to accept and move on. It’s the easiest thing to do. Cheat life, cheat others in the process but get your fucking conscience saved and ass covered.

Only, no matter how many times I say that to myself, I’m never ever to do it. And I’m never able to forgive the ones who take the easier path and leave the others to fight the battle alone.

Faith.

So there’s the right time and the right decision. How often do we take the right decision at the right time? And that’s where Faith comes in. Faith in oneself. You lose it once and it takes ages to build back again. And the world with its weird ideas of right and wrongs and moral lectures and social upbringing doesn’t help either. It makes you believe in all the things that the world accuses you of being. But faith in the one above? It’s a funny thing. Coz when YOU let yourself down, you can choose to believe that the one above will be fair. That’s faith for me.

And it’s the only choice where I take the easier way out.


P.S. And few will ever understand the reason behind why I named this post what it's named.