Bitter Pills

If there’s something that law school teaches you, that’s to deal with disappointments. A process of letting go and moving on.

You realize that people will walk in and out of your life but you need to walk away from that disappointment.

You won’t get what you deserve, but you need to accept what you get and remember that a lot of time you manage to get things you don’t deserve.

A lot of your dreams may end up not getting fulfilled but you always have to start dreaming the next one.

And tell you what? I just figured an easy process to get over your disappointments!

a)    

 Give your hand at being a nerd. Trust me it does wonders! It makes you feel like a stud to finally submit all your projects on time, does wonders for your self-confidence and keeps you busy and away from thinking too much about whatever that’s driving you nuts.

b)     

Food. It’s the instant relief for every cause of worry. Theres NO denying that a lamb risotto or a cheese margherita is the biggest comfort food man ever made!

c)       

SHUT the fuck up! Talking doesn’t help. People who should know will know by themselves, without you having to go over things again.

d)     

Humour. Ridicule your way through your failures. It’s always good to laugh it off.

e)      

Make a list of things you want to do by the end of the year. Trust me it makes you feel better J

f)       

Television/TV series. Make sure you catch the latest episodes of Gossip Girl or Glee or How I Met Your Mother  or Chuck or Roadies whatever it  is that you watch. It’s AWESOME. Period.

g)     

Reconnect with old friends. Sometimes you need to get away from the people and the place. And most of the times we are too busy being busybee to remember those old faces and places. But trust me there’s nothing like reconnecting with a friend you left behind and laugh over the times when you were stupid and silly.

h)     

HOME. There’s no place like home. There’s no one you’d rather talk to than your Mom.

And well there’s nothing in life that’s more important than YOU, so I’m sure it isn’t too difficult to get your act together-for your own sake. Someone once told me that there’s no one or nothing that is irreplaceable in one’s life. I’d disagreed then. I stand corrected.

P.S.- I know I haven’t written for 2.5 months but that’s coz I was putting most of the above things into action and ALSO because there was Univ Week! Wheee! :D

A visitor from the past

The past always follows you around.

So many times in my life I've looked at someone, and said, “Well, thats the last I'm gonna see of that person”.

Never worked. They keep coming back to my life. Sometimes in the form of a pleasant evening spent remembering our stupid, old selves and mistakes and sometimes like a blast from the past, in a way most unexpected and most unpleasant. But the truth remains- The past always follows you round.

So you take all the pain and pack those memories up in small boxes and keep them high on the dusty shelves, to be forgotten.

And you spend nights trying to figure out what went wrong.

And you sit up on the terrace on a cold night and tell yourself your eyes are stinging from the cold, not tears.

And you remember again, the tunes of your favourite song when you were 12 years old.

And you tell yourself to move on and find new things to make you happy.

And you learn to tell yourself that things have changed and you say it till you start believing it.

And then the visitor from the past. And it all comes crashing back.

Sometimes, a most amusing story to hold on to.

And sometimes you realize the pain was never gone.

It's all a ploy. It's life's way of reminding you of the lessons you've learnt.

Or maybe not.

Maybe its one more of those things that I keep telling myself so I start believing it.

Whichever way, there's no running away. 

Sunny side up. NOT.

Anger. Its not as simple as this one word. It always includes sorrow, pride, frustration, jealousy and deceit. 

In short, its complicated.

I'm afraid I'm not too good at expressing it. Or rather I usually don't have any clue what to do with anger and all of that.

Take for instance the verbal expression of it all. So we do we talk or do we not? Shut up and simmer or shout and let it out? Stop talking to the person who angered us or go on with life like nothing happened, letting the person be humiliated by our forgiveness. Then of course there are cases when 'humiliation by forgiveness' doesn't really work because the person in question doesn't even know I'm angry! But then of course how exactly is it forgiveness if we intend to humiliate?! And then again coming back to the question of dealing with anger, do we forget and forgive or plan a retaliation? The former seems like the more intelligent thing to do but then who denies the high from revenge?

Fail or FAIL?

I never know what to do. I'd like to think of myself as a vengeful person because vengeance, in some twisted way, rhymes with power. But well I get muddled mid-way! I can, if I try, plan a long drawn-out revenge, but I'll probably forget about it midway. Or get tired of it. I need a new toy. I need a new thought.

So the last time I tried the 'stop talking to the person' route, I was the first one to break that rule. It's too tiring, I'm telling you. How do you stay angry with anyone for long anyway?! And it's too much of a bother. And it makes you feel depressed all day. Plus I can't NOT talk. If you know me you know that. FAIL.

And the 'humiliation through forgiveness'; EXTREMELY overrated I must say. Half the times they won't even know I'm angry with THEM, forget knowing WHY I'm angry. Plus it's such a mean thing to do. Double standards. I hate it. I don't use it till I MUST; double standards I mean.

Well, so whattodo?

Oh and did I mention half the times I, myself don't know I should be angry with someone?

In that case, just stay away from my illusion please?

It's all too complicated. Why don't I have answers to things like these? It'd make life a lot easier if I did.

Sigh.

Did I tell you I've been praying for a boring life, for the next 3 years at least?

NoRelevanceWhatsoever

People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
-Chuck Palahniuk


Profound.Very.
And so true.


P.S.: Also, it disturbing how questions about how much one is prepared before an exam has been replaced by questions about whether I am giving the exam.

Mutual Addiction

There are some things that you keep coming back to. Things. And people.

Like your favourite song. Your best friend(s). Your favourite pizza.

It’s not like it’s what I always want, but my need for them never ceases. Like I don’t always feel like talking to my best friend, I’d rather talk to the guy I met at NLSMUN last month. I don’t always feel like a simple margherita, I rather enjoy cheese and pepperoni. But it’s just that I love those a little more than the others.

They’re my favourites. My comfort zone. And they have something attached to them.

I’m also a big sucker for rituals. Possibly why I believe in God and Karma. I like my familiar things. Things that don’t change, at some level, they remain the same. And I like to keep coming back to it, or them. To the familiarity and marvel at how it all fits in so well. Everytime. It never ceases to amaze me.

But then again I am amazed by the most mundane, obvious things. I like it that way. Life would be boring otherwise. It’s always nice to have sudden realizations- a nice, healthy jolt. Sometimes I wonder, when will that LIFECHANGING incident happen? When my life goes topsy turvy and I know I’m living the ultimate dream. I think life’s too short to spend collecting the million small moments. But I guess I have to wait for the big one. Not in sight definitely.

But then again I’ve done quite a few drastic things last year. Definitely some of the bigger ‘small moments’. Now I HATE introspection. But then I do it all the time. Precisely why I hate it. Also, I’m a BAD learner. I don’t remember the lessons I learn, till I have to learn it again. So introspection doesn’t really help me. But anyway, moving on to introspection on the year that went by. It was quite a learning curve- I did quite a few things right and many more things wrong, did wild, crazy things and loved it and hated myself for it later, met new people and made new friends, took wrong decisions and tried to correct them, put myself out there in the open and learnt to brave it out, learnt to care a little less about the world (I still haven’t decided if that’s good or bad).

Most importantly I learnt there are some things and people in life that/who are indispensable. Whoever says otherwise still hasn’t realized this. You need it. The comfort of the familiarity and being able to take solace in the fact that they remain unchanged. And they remind you of the lessons you’ve learnt- good and bad. Such a comfort, always- to be reminded of the million small lessons learnt in the million small moments. Which brings me back to my point- My favourite things, they are the indispensables and I wouldn’t want to lose them or forget them, even if it means a little sacrifice is needed for the same =)

P.S.: I am currently addicted to "Make this go on forever" by Snow Patrol. Go listen. =)

P.P.S: I also don't know why I named the post whatever i did.

Little women...and men.

I never know what I really want. I want a bit of this and a bit of that, only to realize its one or none.

My DEEP conversation. Actually, i wanted to try out a cool screenshot ;)

In the course of having a DEEP conversation with one of my close friends* today I came to two VERY IMPORTANT conclusions:

My Little Monster <3

a)Boys are monsters**. ALL of them. Even the one who you thought was really nice . Only you probably/will probably choose to close your eyes to signs of his monstrosity. The good, little monster of your life you know.

b)MOST girls are evil, manipulative bitches. Don’t get it? Try this. It’s so true its creepy. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/02/fashion/02love.html?pagewanted=3&_r=2.*** It’s like  someone cut-copy-pasted all that I had in my mind. But I said ‘MOST’. There are a few good ones also. Rare, but there. Or maybe we again just choose to close our eyes to it because she’s your best friend and she’s the good, little bitch of your life. A little bit of manipulation and bitching never did anyone harm. :P

I need to start loving myself a little more. Late realization, but true. I’ve spent all these years giving primacy to others before me- parents, friends, best friends, boyfriend, the-one-I-want-as-my-boyfriend. Enough. Must stop now. Noone’s worth it. Except, your parents. Mom and Dad are the best things that happened to you. J

I cried myself to sleep last night. It’s possibly the most unpleasant thing in the world. I woke up in the morning with a headache and exactly the same thoughts as I’d gone to sleep with. Fail.

What I really need right now is the beach + coconut water + my best friend + a LONG conversation on the ultimate question of  life, the universe and everything (and the answer to that is neither 42 nor ‘nothing’ in my Universe).

Alanis Morissette is God! She knows everything. And she has a song to suit every problem in my life. I don’t think I can EVER get over “Hands Clean”. It makes me laugh everytime, and feel a little bit sad too.

I LOVE the cartoon week celebrations that’s all over Facebook. It’s funny how it’s made so many of my friends ACTUALLY  Youtube  the favourite episode/scene of their favourite cartoon/animation movie. I like the happy feel of it all. As MM says, “the world has finally woken up to the art that is animation”. J

I think the song  “Sheila ki Jawaani” is ABSOLUTELY disgusting. I don’t know why everyone’s going gaga over it. It sounds bad, looks bad and is well  BAD. Period.

My projects will NEVER get over till I log out of GTalk. Little I can do about it though. I feel like I can’t breathe without being online on GTalk. =/

I think today was the International Day of Cynicism. It was everywhere, all the time.

Don’t be fooled by the title of the post. It has little to do with whatever I wrote. I TOLD you I was messed up in the head today! Or did I?

*You know who you are.

**Copyright-Niya. Don't forget to check her out at http://newlampsforold.blogspot.com/ <3

*** Thank you for that absolutely life changing article- you know who you are.

To Want or Not to Want?

There are things you want. You know, big things and plans for your life. And then there are things that you just want .Like right now. Nothing to do with the 'long term perspective' but you do!

Like  a pack of Caribbean Hot and Sweet Lays.

An insightful conversation on the terrace.

A haircut.

A holiday.

Freedom from my mental blocks. Like my mental blocks against IITians and Jaipur (people from Jaipur rather)

A flat 50% sale at Mango.

A roasted chicken sub and iced-lemon tea.

A long drive.

*sigh*

SADLY, I’m not getting any of those. Which brings me to the point about how the human brain functions! I  mean I know I won’t get any of those right now but I still crave for them. It’s true for the long term goals also. Most of them are unattainable but we still want them and don’t give up on trying to get them. It’s the challenge I guess that keeps us going and the hope of something better (It’s also the concept behind “Why Taken Guys are Sexier”).

Such optimistic enthusiasts!

But well, we’d rather try than not try thinking its unattainable. So, like my friend said today, “Google up Obama’s campaign and then tell yourself “You Can Do It”!


P.S. And here's what the world would like me to believe! What a BIG, FAT LIE!